Oh fuck-a-doodle-do, I’ve been tagged. Brisso wants me to pluck eight random facts out of the air about the general berk of this parish, yours truly.
In no particular order then:
1. My friend and I were the subject of a 1998 Channel 4 documentary about Doncaster Rovers.
2. I once rooted through former Chelsea and England international Kerry Dixon’s glove box on a journey to Darlington. This is not a euphemism.
3. I can recite to the letter Hamlet’s soliloquy from Act II Scene II, Philip Larkin’s Aubade, Church Going, Dockery & Son, Mr Bleaney, the Old Fools, the Whitsun Weddings and the entirety of Rapper’s Delight by the Sugarhill Gang.
4. My father (writes a 31 year old) fought in the Second World War.
5. I’m friends with Richard Hawley. This is handy as he got me tickets to see Depeche Mode last year. What are friends for, if not to shamelessly blag tickets off?
6. I have been sacked from several jobs: once for calling my boss a “fat cunt” and another time I worked in a bakery and was caught refilling a pasty I had dropped in the carpark. I was marched out of my job in a bank for lying on a personal loan application and leading to them discovering how much debt I was in.
7. I once knocked a dinner lady at my school out with a small ladder I was carrying.
8. It is my perfervid desire to be the contents of a love sandwich between the two ladies from the Human League.
July 3, 2007 at 12:43 pm |
I can do the even more famous soliloquy in forty-seven seconds. I learned it for a party trick to perform at a leaving do.
July 3, 2007 at 1:58 pm |
Well it beats photocopying your arse.
July 3, 2007 at 3:41 pm |
I considered reciting the whole of Bohemian Rhapsody backwards and I still might give it a go one day before my memory fades irrevocably.